blow up the outside world

WoW. i read in the newspaper today that a company that earned $28 billion in profits last year basically gave the go ahead to dump over 40 tons of hazardous waste in the ivory coast because it did not want to pay the $300,000 it would cost to properly dispose of it. so, because of their penny pinching tight ass ways, thousands of poor people were affected.

then i get on the computer and read that a 32 year old man, with a wife and two kids, barges into an amish school and kils innocent young girls, and then himself. he spared the boys. he did this to get back at god for an undisclosed 'wrong' that he experienced in his life. the only thing that was made clear about this 'wrong' was that it did NOT involve the amish. the ironic connection between the two, if we all practiced the amish way of life, the worst hazardous waste we would have to deal with is horseshit, and there would be no firearms. trust me, i am NOT trying to make light of either tragic situation. i have heard alot of people bitch about capitalism lately. people get so tied up in the pursuit of making money and the possesions they obtain with their money. and we wonder why society has so many problems. it is because our values aren't about people, but about money and possessions. this breeds selfishness, which further distances one from others. they don't see others as people. maybe that is why a CEO of a bilion dollar corporation can say fuck the poor people of the ivory coast, i just want this hazardous waste gone so i can continue to make more money. maybe that is why a man can not only abandon his wife and two children, but take the lives of young girls, and saddening the lives all all those who knew the girls. i hope that anyone who is indited in the dumping crime is forced to assist in the waste clean up. maybe then they could appreciate the attrocity they chose to orchestrate. i could go on and on....

makes my dilema seem trivial in comparison, which it is. my ex brother-in-law somehow managed to get my phonenumber. he calls every now and then, but until today, he has never left a message. usually when he calls, i am not home, like today, but there have been a few times where i saw his name on caller ID and chosen not to answer. so, he stated in his message that in 6 weeks he will be in town on business, and he wants to get together for dinner. i have not talked to him in years. we shared many, many good and wild times together. many moments that in any other scenario would have forged a lifetime friendship. at the same time, due to our unique relationship and the circumstances that led us to having the good times, he has caused me more pain and hurt than anyone else. it is a truly complicated and unique situation that i could spend hours just coverring the basics. due to all the variables, and probably the hurt, my heart is still clouded to the most basic question that is mired in all the drama that would almost seem too crazy for a daytime soap opera. a question that i have been debating for years, and still have been unable to answer. i think i will call him back sometime this week. it will not be easy. if he is willing to talk about the past, then maybe once again we can be a part of each other's lives in the present.