totemly awesome

i am not referring to the australian pink floyd show that i was supposed to go to monday:( i had mentioned i 'planned' on going. those words were prophetic. my buddy whom i was supposed to go with had to cancel. i knew this was a possibility, but i was prepared to go solo if need be. the thing i didn't plan on was working till 18:45. the good news, i finished up a long job on that monday. it was the job that made my day so long. as a thank you / tip, the (fellow cacti lover) gave me a beautiful totem cactus. about two foot tall, very healthy, nice simple clay pot. i shall call him knobby. na, his, or her, name will be 8 letters long. i am aiming to have this 8 letter name to contain the letters p, b, and t, in honor of the couple who gave me 'knobby'.

my weird dreams are back. last night i, not once, but twice bombed a russian building. the kgb was after me.

be aware of rueben legends! my boss said this phrase today. speaking of, he has never had a reuben sandwich. he IS missing out. he then stated how he used to think that deli on a label stood for delicious. good stuff!

goodbye october!

~peace

holy crap

i didn't think to bring my camera to the phoenix mars lander open house last weekend. so here is a pic of the stuff i brought home from there. i 'built' the pedestal awhile back. when i constructed it, i had a monument in mind. it was perfect for the PML. it has three legs, just like the PML. the bottle caps and left over rays represent the thrusters that hopefully will assure a nice, soft boulder free landing.

i just found out tonight that my god daughter has recently flunked three test! one each in reading, writing, and math. her mom called me, but i was finishing up shop vaccing the leaves from my cactus garden and missed her call. when i finally finished, and called her back, and her daughter answered. after telling me about halloween parties and her disney world trip and this and that, i asked her how school was going. this is when she told me about her F's. so we had a long discussion on this topic. she is to show me her report card when i see her over x-mas. uncle pedro is not happy. its moments like these that make me feel selfish for living here in beautiful AZ.

ok, must hit sack. i WILL go hiking tomorrow. screw the browns!

epiWHAT

so today i did my 2 pond maintenance jobs. traffic was surprisingly light. i get back to the office. as i was leaving, i found out that 'drama' that i thought had dissapated has once again reared its medusa-like head. that was sorta a bummer.

then i went to get some b-day cards and stopped by startbucks to finish this month's discover magazine, which i almost did. i even did all three mind games, and 'solved' all three. they were easier than usual, all were based upon soduku puzzles, both numeric (2) and alphabetaic (1). there was a really cool article about epigenetics. there were many cool aspects about the article. epigenetics help shape who we are. as proof, experiments were performed on rats (what else). rats that were licked and nurtured by their parents typically developed normal hippocampi, while 'abandoned' rats hippocampi were small and undeveloped. the result, the nurtured rats were more brave, less easily scared, and more loving towards their offspring than the abondoned and skittish rats. it also stressed the importance of diet on epigenetics. certain chemicals, called methylizers, tend to 'turn off' undesirable genes. preganant women diets often include three sources of methylizers: folic acid (which is added to almost all grains grown in the US), multivitamins, and prenatal vitamins. this overdose can actually turn off good genes, ones that are vital to the normal growth and development of a child. also, epigenetics often not only affect the child, but often their children AND their children's children. multi generational. that is almost scary.

i could have gone out tonight, but choose to stay home and clean and mark some of my tools, and clean and reorganize a hutch and its contents. now that i am done, i am enjoing a bicardi limon and water (i was too lazy to go buy beer). necessity IS the mother of invention!

i could have sworn i heard someone / something tap on the bedroom window this evening as i was 'taking care of business in my office'. i yelled out three times, and no one responded. that was sorta weird.

now i think i am going to draw and listen to tunes. i finally have a concept in mind. the last couple of drawing attempts produced nada.

oh yeah, monday i going to see the australian pink floyd concert at AVA amphitheater. AVA is part of one of the three casinos here in tucson.

tftd

tftd = thought for the day

i had a headache today. it was so bad, i had to take an ibuprofen. i rarely ever do that. i checked the office's stash. the half full bottle had an expiration date almost 1-1/2 years ago. so at co worker 'lent' me one. she suggested i take 3. but since i rarely ever take ibuprofen , i took only one. it did the trick. then again, the co worker was female. i would assume she takes alot of ibuprofen routinely for non headache related reasons. reasons that make me glad to be a dude, since i don't have to deal with the same routine problems. but serially, i do believe the american society is an unnecessarily heavily medicated one. maybe i am just lucky enough to be a rare normally healthy person. then again, one could accuse me 'self-medicating' at times.

that was my major thought on this 'chilly' day. that and figuring out the specifics of how the moon orbits the earth and corresponds to the views we see.

i just removed an ant from my computer desk. wtf is an ant doing in here? he must have been totally lost.

once again, i did not get to my pond maintenance jobs, which i will have to do tomorrow.

ok, i am going to fold laundry and listen to tunes.

40 minutes / x-mas planz

i have 40 minutes till my 5 loads of laundry get out of the dryers.
yes, it WAS about time.
yes, another 11:00 night.
yes, another 'late' arrival at work, most likely.

so, the big news of today. I FINALLY GOT MY TIX TO GO TO OHIO FOR X-MAS, AND NEW YEARS TOO! i will arrive in cleveland at 14:15 on sat, dec 23rd. this will give me the time to shop at night, after a steak dinner (hopefully) with the 'rents and some fam. unfortunately, i MAY be late with presents for some of ya. just to forewarn y'all. i will stay for new years for the second year in a row. i can almost guarantee being at joe and keri's again. i have all day on the first and second to recover, before my dad will have me at the cleveland airport at 05:10 for my 07:10 flight back to tucson on the 3rd. wow, time just flew by, just like it will.

what else?

i am about to quit the first fantasy football league i have ever been in. i do not know what is worse, my fantasy team, or the cleveland browns. i have one more win (2 vs 1), but my losses have been much uglier. at least i am a hair better than the AZ cardinals. but when u are that bad, no one counts hairs.

the world series has been pretty good. i now wonder if detroit will win.

i learned pinochle sunday. that was pretty cool.

i learned bisonwich's RULES on monday night. nothing like a half awesome soup, a half awesome sandwich, and a draft beer after a long hard days work down in tubac. then some pool at o'malleys topped off the night.

i still have to do my brakes. at least i have them in hand. that is half the battle. needless to say, i feel or hear NO difference in them.

i got shocked by 120 volts today. that was, umm, not so good. scary, more than anything.

ok, it is almost time to get my laundry.

~peace

rewolve

i actually saw this word today. it was on a poster for the mars recon observer, which was on the wall of the new office building for the phoenix mars lander on 1415 6th ave. it was part of the open house display.

other than this embarrassing typo, the open house was awesome! i arrived at 13:15, after lazily awakening, eating breakfast, and dropping off my recycables. i wish i arrived earlier.

plenty of displays, and people on hand to answer questions.
i talked in length to a mech eng (rolfe) who was responsible for testing of the lander.
to peter smith. he is in charge of the whole program. he gave the main presentation about the whole program. i talked with him and his wife. their wedding rings each contained a piece of martian meteorite.
i also talked with two geology students who are involved in the mars recon orbiter hi-rise camera. neither of them claimed responsibility for the poster. :) they did tell me that this awesome camera will be on the lunar recon orbiter that is to be launched in 2008. this came about because of a question i asked, btw. the camera will hopefully end all doubt for the nay sayers who claim the lunar landings of the apollo program were a hoax. it has the resolution to photograph the what we left behind.

i also talked to an AZ sonoran desert museum rep. i mentioned the gilbert telescope. he loved the concept, and said it would be an awesome addition to the museum.

overall, an awesome open house! i could go on about it, but i digress.

so, after that, i came home, changed, and went to BW3 to watch game one of the world series. somehow, someway, the cardinals kicked arse. i also kicked major arse in trivia, always finishing 1st or 2nd.

i probably won't go hiking, since i did not get to doing my brakes. priorities.

the rise of the PML

i am listenning to the chili peppers now. stadium arcadium, mars disc. i like it.! even the radio songs, which i got sick of fairly quickly, sound good (again) when listened to amongst the better, non radio played songs. thanks double A! 10,000 days is being made right now. actually, it just got finished. i still laugh when i think about u calling my parents scandalous :)

so, it was such an awesome night, i just hoofed it to starbucks. my attempt to finish reading discover magazine were thwarted though by some young punk. he was cool. alot of stories though. i bought him a coffee, i recieved a burned copy of limp bizkit's 3 dollar bill, y'all. this is the third cd of that album i will have. i believe i lost the original, which i bought at Quonset HUT back in OH before the band became popular. so i lost it, made a burn, lost the burn. now, many years later, i have it again. i think it is the only cd i have ever had to replace because of reasons other than theft. maybe it was, but it could concievably be other things too.

two space topics made today's newspaper. one shall demand part of my time tomorrow. it is the openning house presentation of the mars phoenix lander, scheduled to be launched in august 2007. it will be the first space probe to operate on another planet whose control is strictly administered by an academic institution. the U of A shall hold this distinctive honor. so the control center on 6th ave will hold a free open house tomorrow from 10:00 to 16:00 to show off their 'toy'. it will be the first martian probe to check out a near polar region. it has no rover, but a large robotic arm. on the end is THE CLAW. j/k! it's main mission is to dig for hypothesized underground H2O.

i also hope to change out my front brake pads, which i was told by brake masters 2 weeks ago were 99% worn. i also want to watch the first game of the world series. sun i will forego watching the browns bumble around against the bronco's stiffling D and plan on going hiking instead. dinner and cards are planned for sunday night at gingers and her 'gang's' house.

so, the other space topic is a new public use telescope in gilbert. if i lived anywhere near gilbert, i know where my nights would be spent. at least once a week. besides the awesome spectacles to behold in the night sky that the large telescope would provide, it is located in a park. a raparian reserve, i believe? the use of the scope is free. donations are asked for.

ok, i hope to listen to both albums tonight. i also plan to draw, my first attempt to do so in a LONG while. since near the end of july! no need to get up early tomorrow. i 'slpet in' till 08:00 this AM, much later than my planned 06:00 awakening. oh well. i plan to add about another 2 hours to fridays time. at least.

decisions

so, here i am again. not much new. this week hasn't been nearly as hectic as last weeks 59 hour work week. i did put in 13 hours on monday. four of those hours were at home typing up a maintenance manual for four fountains we built for the UMC cancer center. i didn't start till 20:30 though. i had not talked to my parents for two weeks. so between talking to them, a shower, dinner, and tsuki time: you have an 20:30 start time for this project that was due this weds AM. i am a procrastinator by nature, but i wasn't even told about this project till thurs AM. since i had never been out there, i had to set up a time to meet out there with the crew leader who worked on the project.

what else. sunday night i had steaks at gingers, then i was victorious in progressive rummy with ginger, jean, and jimbo. i like winning:)

oh yeah, that drafting position for the medical supplies company has been filled. and it was NOT by me. oh well, was not obviously meant to be. and my hair gets a stay of execution.

speaking of, i must decide soon a new career path. as i have stated many times before, i love what i do. i may be crazy, but i do love it. i thought before that i would get this drafting job due to karma. in OH, i worked for a company that produced parts for nuke subs for the navy. i designed many myself. i thought this job would be life's way of evenning things out (for me). then i was thinking about it. what i am doing now definitely would fall into the 'evenning things out' category. why do people have ponds with plants and fish? relaxation. peace. enjoyment. all good stuff. regardless, i have decided change is in order. the way i see it, i have 3 options:

1. keep doing what i am doing now, and apply to become a sub for grade schools on fridays, my off day. if i do this, and like it, i may then go to school to become a full time teacher. if i do this, i could always work the summers for my current employer. i have started the sub application process a couple of months back. i read today (in yesterday's newpaper) that male teachers for grades K-6 are at an all time low, both for tucson, and nationally. it stated how kids in this age range more readily look up to males as role models, especially when (sadly) coming from single parent families. i would be in demand, nationally! i have always thought if i would be a teacher, this is the grade school range i would start out at. i have always seemed to bond well with youngins in this age bracket. u know what they say about similiar personalities :) a stint with big brothers while i was in school at dayton did seem to verify this.

2. do the architecture thing. i do love the thought of telling people about having dual degrees, in mechanical engineering and architecture. i do know someone currently in the architecture program at the U of A. seeing the projects that the students are given does further excite me about this possible avenue. the incredible workload demanded by the program does not deter me. i have 'talked' about this plenty on here before, so no need to repeat myself.

3. just keep hoping for an engineering job. it has been over 4 years now that i have been out of the field. going for my masters does NOT appeal to me at all. i would have to accept the first job that offered me a position, regardless of the circumstances. this medical supplies job was a drafting position, which would have been a start over position, basically. i was 'shut down'. this option does not seem all that feasible or likely.

4. do nothing, except for buy a lottery ticket once a week. someone has to win, right? just kidding! that is why i said i have three options, not four.

i was watching seinfeld earlier. i never realized how similiar goerge's mom and raymond's mom (from ELR) look. interesting.

so, how about that mets vs cardinals series? detroit has to be loving it. they have had since saturday to not only recover from their hangovers from their 'we are the AL champs' partying, but have had time to rest their sore and tired bodies from just having played 170 games of baseball, pre season games not included. meanwhile the mets and cardinals are beating themselves up and further depleting their pitching 'thin' rotation and bullpens just for the right to play the well rested tigers with their super four man starting rotation. my pick, detroit in five games. my pick for 2007, the indians, of course! :)

so, how about those crazy NORTH koreans? it is one of the poorest countries in the world, yet they do not like being told to stop their testing of nukes. so much so, they consider being told to stop as an act of war. even their former 'buddy' china, their fellow communist nation, has told them to back off. yet another possible sign the apocolypse may be upon us.

on that note: GOODNIGHT!

yeah for saturday!

wow, what a week! a monday thru friday record high of 59.0 hours. i finally finish this monster week, and what do i do fri night? well, since my as of recently shooting-pool-at-the-cowpony plans fell thru, i gladly stayed in and watched the mets - cardinals play off game and cleaned some work tools. the thing that sucks is i did not finish. i may go back to the yard today to grab some stuff so that i can finish this project. i HATE starting a project and not finishing it right away, because usually other stuff comes up, or i loose interest, and i do not finish. on top of that, i have bills i MUST do today, plus my apartment needs cleaning. probably should do some laundry also. plus, i want to watch all the baseball playoff games that will be on. plus catch up with friends and family on the phone. plus, my cactus garden area needs work. first, i will start my AM by going to the bank (since i didn't have time to do so thursday or friday), then going to the grocery store so i can make a kick ass breakfast. also, i am going to plush tonight about 21:00 to see a concert my buddy assured me will be kick ass. i would have liked to go hiking, but i do not see that happening.

so, for the first week in awhile, nothing peculiar, unusual or wild occured. even my dreams have subsided in their wackiness. with working so much this week, the only thing i did that was even semi interesting was go out to pizza hut with ginger, her sister and brother-in-law on thursday night. the three of them are like family to me. ginger talked me into this, i was soo tired i almost didn't go, since i knew i was going to have a full day on friday. we tried the new sicilian pizza, which wasn't too bad. too garlicy for me. it is like lasagna and garlic bread that combined and morped into pizza form. upon arriving at their house, ginger was playing the piano. she then gave me a quick lesson on reading music and how to play the piano. she has offered to teach me. she has at least 3 or 4 people with whom she gives lessons. i think i may take her up on her offer. i have always wanted to be able to play a musical instrument. i have always thought the drums would be cool, but the piano or guitar would be sweet also.

i had planned to write a bunch more. an anonymous commenter made some remarks which seemingly begged for a rebuttal, but that will have to wait.

how about dem tigers???

first, they knock off the mighty dollared yankees. now game one against oakland. to the moon, and beyond! of course, they would need special tiger spacesuits...

just in case anyone was curious, i watched the A-team, and read five people durinmg the commercials on sunday night. a wise choice! the A-team rocked! hulk hogan even was in one episode. memories, times two. della reece (sp?) was in another, as B.A.'s momma. as always, murdock rocks! and i finished off five people after work yesterday, despite working 13 hours. and i even was at work on time. i love it when a plan comes together.

i wish i could play the gee-tar like a mother#%&*ng riot.

the mars rover oppurtunity has made it to victoria crater. that IS pretty cool.

too tired. sooo sleepy. must go.

correction

the band i mentioned yesterday (the one that sings chasing cars) is snow patrol. not the arctic monkeys. i was close. both bands names are compromised of two words. the first word with both relates to cold. and monkeys could go on patrol. you can understand my confusion. maybe they should just combine and become the arctic snow patrol monkees, and make all of our lives easier.

decisions, decisions. on one hand, there is an A-Team marathon going on. on the otherhand, i want to read five people more. regardless, i MUST be in bed by 10:30 at the latest. I MUST be at the yard at 5:30, no exceptions. i can not divulge the reasoning tonight, all i can say is ...

I WANT SOME T-RASH BAGS!

a moment

it is almost 01:30. a little while ago, tsuki and i were both catching some zzz's on the couch. it seemed to be tsuki's intention when he jumped up there. my intention was to continue to read mitch albom's book five people you meet in heaven. i had just started reading it tonight. having gone out last night, tonight i just chilled out and walked to starbucks. it is such a beautiful night, i decided to 'hoof' it there again. perfect temperature. a brilliant full moon, which would play hide and seek among the numerous fast moving white cottony clouds. this book is just as captivating as the other albom book i read, tuesdays with morrie. after having been the second to last to leave starbucks, i decided upon the way home i was going to try to read the entire book tonight. this brings me to the couch. i am reading along. i am immersed in the book. i am no longer reading it, but have literally entered its realm. i have fallen asleep, and seemingly instantly am dreaming, the book guiding my 'dream'. this has happened before. the radio has done it. so has the tv. i believe this is the first time a book has accomplished this feat. for some reason, i 'decide' to come to the realization that i am not reading anymore, and awaken. XM radio is playing on my stereo. it is on the same station that it was on earlier today before i left my apartment to work 8 hours at ginger's house planting flowers and irrigating them. i don't believe i have listened to this station before. but this station provided me with a simple pleasure moment before leaving this AM. i was ready to leave. only for some reason, i decided to see if a certain song was playing. it is a newer song that i really like, but rarely hear. it is by the artic monkeys (i believe). it is called chasing cars. i scroll through the channels looking for it. i scroll down, i do not see it, and start scrolling back. along the way, i see another song i like, and press enter to play this 'alternate' song. as soon as i do, chasing cars begins playing. it was instantaneous, like me pressing the enter button ended my 'alternate' song and started playing at that moment my desired song. now flash back forward to me having just awaken on the couch. a song is playing. i am just laying on the couch, debating whether to continue to read again, to write in here as i have been wanting to do, or merely relocate to my bed. guess what the next song to play is. yup, chasing cars. in the song, the artic ones pose the question: if i just here, would you lie here with me. so i am laying on the couch, with tsuki. alone. but are we? the most thought provoking quote from five poeple so far (30 some pages into it), the only one my highlighter has yet to embolden, is: the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. still i wonder who will physically lie by me. was it supposed to be someone from my past? will it be holly, the girl i just met lst night, whom i would have not met if i had in fact gone to the black crowes concert in flagstaff. or if the future has occurred already, and we just haven't experienced it yet, am i laying with my future 'someone'? or am i laying here already with all those who have passed on? am i laying here with all those i know? all those i do not know? all of the above? none of the above?

so, as far as my theory about my dying dream the other night. after i got done typing my blog yesterday, i checked my e-mails. i recieved one from kurt and alexis. kurt is the twin brother of my friend cory. the e-mail announced the birth of their first child. a girl, liliana. congrats u 2! then that night, i meet holly. score one for dream analysis.

also, i would also like to thank the detroit tigers. they have knocked the new york yankees out of the playoffs, in the first round! almost everyone was picking the yankees and their ridiculous $200 million payroll to win the world series. an espn website blogger guaranteed it. now they, like the indians, will simply be watching it on the tv. despite having the highest payroll in baseball every year, they have not won a world series since 2000. it is good to know that money does not guarantee success / happiness. it is good to know a team that has been the proverbial laughingstock of baseball, seemingly for ages, can turn things around in one season and knock out goliath. go tigers! i hope they do win it all. but come next season, all will be forgotten. you will once again become the 'enemy' of my beloved tribe. enjoy the moment as my heroes!

i am the rain king

i was going to work today. at least that unwanted thought was in the back of me head last night. i am already at 47 hours (yes, just for mon-thurs), but i have so much scheduled in the next couple of weeks, and have had so many small projects turn into big projects the last two weeks, that i was given permission to knock out some smaller jobs today, if i chose to do so. as far as i was concerned, i was hoping for rain. i will not work in the rain. not on OT, when my body is tired, and my mind isn't in it. instead, i will enjoy the rain, somehow, some way. a customer blames me for the rain. i have done numerous projects at her house. anytime i do any critical work out there, it rains anywhere from 1 hour to 24 hours later. i have noticed this with me doing laundry also. since there is a laundrymat (two actually) here on the premises, i typically do laundry once every 3-4 weeks. there is never a set day, just whenever, which is usually when i am wearing my last pair of clean boxers or socks. anywho, the totally random day i choose to do laundry, it usually rains. here in sunny, dry arizona.

it was another good week. nothing totally crazy happened, like last week, but still good. even though i feel i am getting the runaround from this company now. and it was because of this job possibility, i am not going to see the black crowes in flagstaff as i had planned. my friend already has his pedro replacement. oh well, i do love flagstaff, but i have never really been a big fan of the crowes. guess it wasn't meant to be. also, it was really freaky. i was thinking about regret the other day. i came to the conclusion i have never regretted any actions / words in my life, only a few non actions /words. the next day, i recieve an e-mail / forward. it was a bunch of mostly stupid cartoon jokes that i did not forward to others, but at the bottom was the phrase 'THE ONLY THINGS IN LIFE YOU REGRET, ARE THE RISKS THAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE'. i was like WOA! oh yeah, the one night i was coming home late from work, i saw what i thought was an injured hawk in the parking lot. it was after 7:00 PM, it was dark, and i just saw one seemingly large set of wings slowly flapping. my first thought was some a-hole ran over this poor hawk, and now it couldn't fly. i was enraged over how someone could do that to such a magnificent species of bird. as i pull up nearby in my car to verify the situation, two large owls fly away. what i thought was an injured hawk was 2 large owls! i do not know what they were doing. maybe they were fighting, maybe they were doing other things. there were no signs left behind (i had a flashlight) that they were sharing a tasty treat, like a neighbors housecat? :) i did grab a bunch of their feathers that were still laying on the ground. all are gone already, i think. that was definitely one of the coolest things i have seen in a long time!

and for two weeks now, i have had a dream almost every night, with each one being more wild and crazy than the night before. i even died in one dream. i was being followed by weird spirits in a weird abandoned town. everything about the dream was like some tim burton on acid movie. in retrospect, it almost was like i was in a coma, and finally died. only things did not change much after the spirits confirmed my suspicion that i had in fact died. sorta like jacob's ladder, but less scary, and without the happy ending. the only positive i can pull from this is that a popular dream analysis theory states that sometimes dreams foreshadow the opposite event / emotion in real life. therefore i should expect a friend or family member to have a baby soon, or someone new will soon enter my life.

blow up the outside world

WoW. i read in the newspaper today that a company that earned $28 billion in profits last year basically gave the go ahead to dump over 40 tons of hazardous waste in the ivory coast because it did not want to pay the $300,000 it would cost to properly dispose of it. so, because of their penny pinching tight ass ways, thousands of poor people were affected.

then i get on the computer and read that a 32 year old man, with a wife and two kids, barges into an amish school and kils innocent young girls, and then himself. he spared the boys. he did this to get back at god for an undisclosed 'wrong' that he experienced in his life. the only thing that was made clear about this 'wrong' was that it did NOT involve the amish. the ironic connection between the two, if we all practiced the amish way of life, the worst hazardous waste we would have to deal with is horseshit, and there would be no firearms. trust me, i am NOT trying to make light of either tragic situation. i have heard alot of people bitch about capitalism lately. people get so tied up in the pursuit of making money and the possesions they obtain with their money. and we wonder why society has so many problems. it is because our values aren't about people, but about money and possessions. this breeds selfishness, which further distances one from others. they don't see others as people. maybe that is why a CEO of a bilion dollar corporation can say fuck the poor people of the ivory coast, i just want this hazardous waste gone so i can continue to make more money. maybe that is why a man can not only abandon his wife and two children, but take the lives of young girls, and saddening the lives all all those who knew the girls. i hope that anyone who is indited in the dumping crime is forced to assist in the waste clean up. maybe then they could appreciate the attrocity they chose to orchestrate. i could go on and on....

makes my dilema seem trivial in comparison, which it is. my ex brother-in-law somehow managed to get my phonenumber. he calls every now and then, but until today, he has never left a message. usually when he calls, i am not home, like today, but there have been a few times where i saw his name on caller ID and chosen not to answer. so, he stated in his message that in 6 weeks he will be in town on business, and he wants to get together for dinner. i have not talked to him in years. we shared many, many good and wild times together. many moments that in any other scenario would have forged a lifetime friendship. at the same time, due to our unique relationship and the circumstances that led us to having the good times, he has caused me more pain and hurt than anyone else. it is a truly complicated and unique situation that i could spend hours just coverring the basics. due to all the variables, and probably the hurt, my heart is still clouded to the most basic question that is mired in all the drama that would almost seem too crazy for a daytime soap opera. a question that i have been debating for years, and still have been unable to answer. i think i will call him back sometime this week. it will not be easy. if he is willing to talk about the past, then maybe once again we can be a part of each other's lives in the present.